


Feel No More

by wizards_unlimited



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Family Secrets, Flashbacks, Injured Timothy McGee, Kidnapping, My First Work in This Fandom, Papa Bear Jethro Gibbs, Past Torture, Past Violence, Slow Build, Slow To Update, Storytelling, Team as Family, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2019-10-16 09:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizards_unlimited/pseuds/wizards_unlimited
Summary: When Tim falls asleep at his desk in the bullpen, he has a nightmare which will reveal secrets that were never expected from the youngest agent of Team Gibbs. Pasts will be revealed and Team Gibbs will come to know exactly why their youngest agent won't divulge others into his past. (This has been posted on FFnet, I just forgot to transfer it over).





	1. Beginning with a nightmare

Dream sequence:

He ran. He ran like he had never run before. His side hurt. His whole body hurt. Yet, he ran. Away from his past and away from everything he had known. Away from the horrible nightmares and his old life. To a new life, to freedom and most of all, to a place where _they_ couldn't reach him.

He regretted it now. Going out that night. For that was a night his whole life and identity changed. He would never be the same. His life would never be the same.

_ Flashback: _

" _Mom! I'm going out to the park!" he screamed out from the porch._

_ His mother could care less for anything he did. So could his father. But he still had hope. That maybe someday, just someday, they would come around and all of them could act like a normal family. _

_ But even he knew that it was hoping for too much. _

_ He walked 4 blocks to the park where he went to the swing set and sat down. He looked around and sighed. His whole life, he had spent in this neighborhood. He had gone through a lot here. This park was more special to him than any other place. He came here every time his parents fought about something meaningless. It could be anything, from, who is supposed to fill the car with gas to who was supposed to drop him to school. They had everything. A modest two-story house, 2 cars, one for each of his parents'. Yet, HE lacked something. Something that he craved so much for that he was willing to give up all his possessions. Love and affection. That was all he needed and wanted from his parents. Sure, he had friends but they didn't know what he went through on a daily basis. They didn't know that his parents didn't even have time to say hi to him. _

_ These were his morbid thoughts as he felt a sharp pain to his head and his vision swam. Then, he remembered nothing. _

Present day dream sequence:

He saw as he grew up in the slums. He saw as he was taken to an orphanage and the McGee's adopted him. He saw his birthdays pass and as he got into MIT with a full scholarship. He saw his first girlfriend. He saw their wedding and he saw their beautiful Carrie and the heartbreak of losing her.

*End Dream Sequence*

That was when Tim was shaken awake by a very shocked DiNozzo. As his head came up from his table, the first word out of his mouth was "Carrie!"

It was then that he registered where he was and who was standing in front of him. Watching his boss' face, he knew that he had to explain, instead he opted to apologize for falling asleep.

"Sorry Boss"

Gibbs raised his eyebrow at the apology and Tim corrected his statement, "Right. No apologies Boss. Got it. Won't happen again."

"I know it won't. What I want to know is what the heck was that about McGee!" Gibbs snapped

He decided to play stupid and asked "What was what about Boss?"

"Do I look Stupid to you McGee?" asked Gibbs.

"No Boss, definitely not" he answered with his jaws slightly clenched _'But that doesn't mean I can't hope for you to believe my excuse" were his thoughts._

Meanwhile, Gibbs was still waiting for an explanation for Tim's freaked out behavior. "Anything you want to tell us McGee? Anything about the freak out you just had? Mind telling us just who in the world _Carrie_ is?"

While Gibbs was on his tirade, Tim's mind was reeling from all the images he had just seen. However, on hearing the name Carrie, he was rudely snapped out of his stupor and into his reality. Once again, after focusing on reality, he just said two words to his Boss, "Call Sarah."


	2. Drink to Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pondering McGee and a spying Tony. He means well.

*Tim's POV*

What had triggered those? A case? No. he doubted it. He had buried those memories and nightmares  _years ago_  in a closed and locked section of his mind. He had locked them up so tight that he doubted, even if they did have the technology to read and interpret minds, not even the CIA or Abby or even the guys in cybercrimes could get past his. All he knew at this point of time was that he had to get out of the bullpen. Get away from the stares and the whispers.

He had to get away from Tony and Ziva's ever inquiring and pitying looks. He had to get away before Gibbs could come back and refuse to call Sarah till he explained. However most all, he needed a stiff drink. None of the stuff that Gibbs drank, but a real drink. Maybe if it was still where he left it? Ah, yes. That would hit the spot. God only knew how long it had been since he had touched the stuff. It had been sitting on his shelf for years now. The first time he had it, was the first time he had had gotten rip roaring drunk and that night had changed his life. He didn't know if it was for the best or for the worst. Just thinking this, brought memories to the front of his mind.

Pushing them to the back of his mind again, he stood up and walked towards the break room, ignoring both his team mates calling his name. On reaching the said room, he opened the top-most cabinet which held Gibbs' personal coffee stash and felt around till he felt that little knob that opened up a secret panel on the side of the cupboard. He reached in till his hand came upon a small bottle and two glasses. Bingo. He picked up one glass and the small bottle and set them down on the counter.  _Now, where exactly was that ice-chest?_ He knew there was one in the room as some of the officers liked cold coffee. Then, he spotted the little red ice-chest sitting near the smoothie machine.  _Aha! There you are you little bugger._ With that thought he poured himself a generous amount of the vodka and put 2 cubes of ice into it. He tasted it and sighed.  _Oh, how I've missed this little beauty. Can't exactly take out the bloody bottle in the bullpen, can I?_ He slowly moved over to the small window overlooking the city and gazed at the city at night lost in memories, thoughts and nightmares.

*Tony POV*

McGee was moving like he was on autopilot or something. What was up with McElfLord? First, he falls asleep in the bullpen, then he has a freaking nightmare about someone named Carrie.  _Maybe the movie? Yeah, probably. McGeek probably got too freaked out by it. Great blackmail material this is. But the question still remains, why the hell was he crying? Might not be the movie after all. If it was the movie, he wouldn't ask us to call Sarah._

_I better go check on him. If he touches Boss' stash, he's a dead man walking._

*3rd Person POV*

However, as Tony reached the break room, he was taken by surprise once again. There was McGee,  _no, not McGee. Tim._ There was Tim, back ram-rod straight standing tall at the window in the break room. There was a solitary light on inside the room and that was at the coffee station. Then, Tony noticed something. Tim had a glass in his hand. Liquid with ice in it. So definitely not water. Tim was _drinking then._ Tim never drank.

He always said he didn’t have the taste buds for it. He hardly went out to pubs and clubs with Tony. And if he did, he refused any alcoholic beverage. Nevertheless, here he was standing with a drink in his hand and by the looks of it, it was neat. When he looked to where the bottle was standing on the coffee counter, his astonishment grew.  _My, my McGee. You certainly are hiding a lot of things, aren't you?_ Here was the geekiest kid on the block, drinking one of the most potent alcohols in the country and not even flinching. Not even Tony himself could drink that.  _Probie's got guts. I'll give him that. Drinking that in the middle of the night, just a few feet away from the bullpen._

Tony stood back and studied the man standing in front of him. This was not his Probie. Not the McGeek that he worked with. In his stead was a sophisticated businessman or author having a stiff drink after a long day at the office or after a prolonged writer's block. He was standing tall and gazing out into the city lights as they flickered in front of him. He looked deep in thought and most probably was. Tony slowly moved away from the door and turned to go to the bullpen but not before hearing the words "I love you. I hope you're taking care of yourself and Carrie up there. Keep her safe Diane."

Feeling as if he had just intruded on a private moment, Tony moved fast and silently to the bullpen, pondering over what he had just heard and seen.

 

 


	3. McGee has a File?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Gibbs

*3rd Person POV*

As Tony entered the bullpen, his brows furrowed at seeing Gibbs with a pile of paperwork on his desk that _definitely_ hadn't been there before he had left.

"Hey boss man, what's all the paperwork for? Vance load all the cold cases in DC on us?" he shuddered at the long hours of working on a cold case.

"No DiNozzo! It's McGee's file. I took it from the Agent Directory in the director's office. I'm hoping to find something, anything that can tell me what the hell is Tim hiding. And if you had even a shred of sense, you would go find your partner and keep an eye on him until I call McGee's sister." Gibbs barked out, his hand reaching out for the phone on his desk.

"Uh Boss? I hate to tell you this but I just checked up on Probie and let's say that we should just leave him alone until Sarah comes here." He told his superior, cringing and waiting for the head slap that never came. Tony opened his eyes and looked at his superior inquiringly. Gibbs, however just raised an eyebrow at his agent as if waiting for an explanation that Tony quickly jumped to.

"Well, uh… you see Boss, McGee isn't…himself. It's better if all of us just left him to his thoughts until Sarah gets here." He hesitated

Once again his Boss raised an eyebrow, and Tony resigned himself to telling him the truth and getting himself and (most probably) Tim murdered without a single evidence. "Well, Boss, uh… you know about that drinking rule of yours? The unspoken one which you told us about on the first day of joining this team?" he fumbled out. At Gibbs' nod, he hesitantly continued. "Well, currently, Tim is in the break room, and he has a glass of Devil Springs Vodka in his hand." He cringed and looked in his Boss' face for any signs of anger and wondered if he should start planning his colleague's funeral.

However, he needn't have had that thought at all. In fact, at the look Gibbs was giving him, he was pretty darn sure that his Boss had absolutely no idea what in the world was Devil Springs Vodka and was clearly waiting for an explanation from his Senior Field Agent.

Tony sighed and began his explanation in a way that Gibbs would understand. "Devil Springs Vodka is a drink that will basically get you drunk and staggering in one shot. Sometimes even marines can't handle it and they love to drink, no offense to you Boss. It's definitely stronger than any drink I dared to drink and it's helluva lot stronger than Bourbon that you drink. Frankly speaking, I didn't even know McGee drank. Let alone hardcore."

To say Gibbs was shocked at Tony's revelation would be an understatement. In fact, Gibbs was about ready to go and knock some sense into his agent. However he was stopped by the fact that DiNozzo had mentioned that McGee was not in the condition to be disturbed. So, with a quiet sigh to himself, he picked up the phone once again and dialed Sarah McGee's number.


	4. Sarah McGee's Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah vs Team Gibbs (minus Tim)

Sarah McGee was usually a calm person. Until it came to her brother. That was when she went on a warpath, and everyone had better watch out.

So, imagine her surprise, when her phone rang during work time. As she checked he caller ID, he face paled. Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs only called her if something had happened to Tim. If something had happened to Tim, she was the primary contact of the entire team. Though she was younger than Tim, she felt protective of him ever since his MIT years. He had gone through so much. Then he insisted on joining NCIS. She didn't know why, but all that Tim had told her was it was because he had a mission in life. She had left it at that because the suddenly steeled look in his eye had sent shivers down her spine.

She was jolted out of her thoughts by the phone's incessant ringing. A shaky hand carefully pressed the answer button and held the phone up to her ear. "Agent Gibbs, what can I do for you?" She was glad she had kept her voice steady and calm, though calm was the furthest she was from right now. She felt eyes on her and turned to see Jackson, the café manager look at her with a questioning glance. She quickly mouthed 'Tim' to him and as realization dawned on his face, he gave a nod towards the back door, indicating her to go through and talk in privacy.

The words that came from the other end of the phone chilled her blood to the bone, "McGee had a nightmare Sarah. He woke up crying and sweating. Then he called out a name, Carrie. My youngest agent has taken over my break room and is drinking. I want answers and I want them now. I expect you here in 20 minutes. No more than that." She thought the nightmares had stopped. She thought he had managed to block them. What had brought them back? Right now, that didn't matter. All that mattered was to bring her brother back. In the condition that Agent Gibbs had described, Tim was running on autopilot and was a danger to himself and those around him.

"Agent Gibbs, I will be there in 10 minutes. Please do not let my brother out of your sight but be discreet. In the state that he is in, he could be a threat to himself and all of you. I will come and take over from there. Just prepare a private conference room and gather Director Vance, Your team and Ducky. We might need him there. Tell him to bring sedatives." She choked out as she felt tears running down her face. His past was back and Tim was the only one who could battle it. It was a demon who never rested. She briefly wondered whether to tell their parents, but decided against it. She would first go and assess the situation at Base. She thought about telling the team about Tim and her family, but then decided against it. They would reveal it only if the situation required their parents coming down to DC.

She ran back into the café and took Jackson aside to explain the situation. He agreed immediately and even gave her a week off to take care of Tim, saying that he'll cover for her. After a quick hug and goodbye, she jumped into her rusted car, and shot off towards Base. All through the way, her mind was on her brother and how all it had all come to this. She felt rage build up in her and her foot pressed the accelerator harder, probably breaking all the Highway Code. She pulled up in the yard and got out. She knew that one of the agents would be waiting to escort her up to the bullpen. She just hoped that Gibbs wasn't as stupid as to let Tony pick her up. She would not be responsible for her actions if he even _tried_ to hit on her.

It was Tony's lucky day. Ziva was the one who had to escort her. She was thankful for the mossad agent's silence. She didn't think she could take speaking right now. She just wanted to see Tim. As the elevator door opened into the bullpen, she made a quick dash for the break room, remembering it from her last visit here. She skidded to a halt, when she saw Tim. He was…different. Before he could sense her presence, she closed the break room door, but didn't lock it. After all, they did not need a repeat of the last episode, she thought dryly. Having seen her brother, she walked calmly back the bullpen, where a still stunned Ziva, a confused looking Tony and an impassive Gibbs was standing. She looked towards the team leader and he motioned to the Conference room just behind the bullpen, probably for easier access. She nodded and motioned for them to proceed. "Before I bring Tim in, I just want to let everyone know of a few basic rules when he is in this state. Let's go. Agent Gibbs, I hope everyone is gathered in there" At the Agent's nod, she reached for the handle of the door and entered.


	5. The Beginning Is the Best Place to Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't think I mentioned this earlier, but the earlier few chapters were written when I was still in High School/Secondary School and are not the best. But they get better, I promise! (I do accept constructive criticism, just not on Jan 29, 2019, since that's my 21st. Or on any other Jan 29th to be fair)

Once she entered the room, she took in a deep breath. She knew this was going to be hard on everyone. None more so than Tim. _Oh God! Tim!_ He wouldn't take it so well. And neither would the team. She knew she and Tim could count on Ducky and Jimmy for support. Ziva would come around eventually, after she wrapped her head around the whole story. Gibbs, well, he was a whole different story. If what Sarah was thinking was right, then the first reaction from Gibbs would be fury. Then, he would go to get some strong coffee and contemplate for hours. After that, he would end up in his basement that night and contemplate some more until he couldn't contemplate anymore. Tomorrow, he would be as calm and collected as usual. Well, as calm as Gibbs could be. Vance would be surprised, but he would understand in the end. He always did when it came to Team Gibbs. However, the loose cannon of the group would be Tony. His reaction was what worried her the most. If Tony supported Tim, her brother would come out of this relatively unscathed. But if Tony retracted his support, then he might as well have signed a death warrant for Tim. Whether Tony believed or not, liked it or not, he was Tim's partner, his best friend, his _family_. And Sarah knew that Tim was his. They had each other's back. Even when they were pissed at each other. And that was not an uncommon occurrence.

Back to the matter at hand, she resumed her inspection and observance of the people in the room. Looking in their eyes, she knew that they would be there for Tim, just for how long, she didn't know. His past was filled with demons they wouldn't believe and he would never disclose.

"Thank you all for gathering here. I…um…don't know where to start. I wish I didn't have to this. To you guys. To Tim. But it has to be done now. For Tim. I want to guys to have his back." Upon seeing Tony's mouth open, she held up a hand and pressed on. "I know you'll always have his back. But this is something different. This is…for the lack of words, dark. Darker than any case you have ever seen. I know you all are his family, but I'm looking out for him. He's all I have. So, I just have one request from every single one of you. Well, actually two. One, try not to interrupt me. This is already hard enough. Two, don't act different towards him. Act normal. Normal keeps Tim grounded. Normal keeps him…here." Her eyes flashed at the last word but died just as fast.

"Well my dear, the beginning is usually the best place to start" commented Ducky.

Sarah gave a morbid laugh, "I would Ducky, but there is no beginning or end to this tale. It's a never ending cycle that only Tim has the power to break."

Then, she sighed. "Well, let's start with the most important fact I guess."

"Tim's adopted."

The shock and tension in the room was palpable. She could see the varying emotions. Hell, she could feel them. _Betrayal, sadness, heartbreak and the most intense one of all, love._


	6. Sarah's Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The history Pt1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, i'm going to come clean and say that I have a small writer's block, since I last updated this. i know where I want to go, just don't know how to do it. I stopped reading and my writing ideas automatically abandoned me. I promise I'm not done with this! It's just really stressful and the ideas that I can work on are my other WIPs. I'll update at least once this year on this. Then, we'll see since I'm applying to medical schools (the application process itself is hell)

"Tim's adopted"

The words resounded in the conference room as clear as a bell. Shock permeated the air. Tension was thick that one could slice it with a knife. Sarah looked around the room with apprehension clearly visible on her face. Gibbs did not like that look on her face. It said volumes about the amount of trust the young lady in front of him held regarding this particular tale.

It was then that Gibbs spoke up. "What does this have to do with anything? He's adopted, so what?"

"Hear me out Agent Gibbs. Tim being adopted has quite a lot to do with what I'm about to tell you. He might not be my real brother, but he's as good as. I want no comments from anyone until I complete what I have to say." Sharp nods were seen all around the room as the gravity of the situation finally sunk in.

"Tim wasn't always a McGee. He wasn't always so...good. He's kept a lot of things bottled up and it's time that we came clean with it. My brother hasn't had the easiest life. He was 14 when mom and the Admiral adopted him. He was so...bitter. I never knew who towards. Maybe nobody in particular. Maybe himself. I was 6 and all I knew was that I had an older brother to look up to, to play with and to protect me. But Tim, he was so lost. I never knew when he would snap. He looked at the world with this, this anger in his eyes. Like it had done something to him." As she said this, Sarah's eyes grew misty, remembering the childhood that now seemed eons away. She looked at the faces around her. There was confusion written all over them. She was getting ahead of herself and skipping crucial parts.

"Tim was very young, maybe 5 or 6 when he was-taken. From a play area near his house. It was a few years ago, when I came to know the details. I don't know how mom stomached it all when Tim told her all those years ago, because of pressure from the Admiral-dad, to become a normal family. His parents had been fighting, again. It happened every day. About the most trivial things. Tim told me, and I remember until this day, that day, they were fighting over who would take the children to school the next day. Tim had a younger sister, Natalie. I think that's why he started talking to me first, because I reminded him of her. He left the house, like he usually did when his parents started fighting. Natalie was sleeping in the attic, where her room was so there was no danger of her being woken up from all the shouting. He went to a park near his house. He said sitting on the swing helped him clear his head. And the, he felt a bag go over his head and something hit." Tears were slowly making their way down the crushed sibling's face. Gibbs sighed, knowing just what kind of emotional trauma she must be facing, recounting everything that she heard first-hand.

"They had him for 7 years! 7 years he had to go through the torture!" Sobs wracked her body as she fell to her knees. "The things that they did to him! God, Tim! How can he even live with this?" Tony had seized up at the word "torture".

'McGee? Tortured? But, he's McGee! He's an innocent person! These kinds of things never happen to McGee. It's like he's...got Captain America's invincible shield surrounding him 24/7 or something! I mean what kind of torture are we talking about here? Little McGee usually doesn't do breakdowns.' One look at his boss' face stopped any smart remarks or questions that surfaced and Tony bit his tongue. For now.

Vance though, had to ask one question that was burning a hole through his and Gibbs' mind, he knew; "Ms. McGee, if these details are so horrific, why wasn't any of this on Agent McGee's file? It should have come up during his recruitment through MIT, or even during his yearly background checks." Gibbs sent him a nod at that.

"Our dad got the records sealed up. Didn't want anything tarnishing his perfect family. When they considered adoption, the doctors had said that mom couldn't have any children. So adoption was the only way to go. They refused to consider surrogacy. Dad and his idea of "the perfect family would be ruined" " She remarked bitterly.

"On their first trip to the orphanage, mom got instantly attached to Tim. The Admiral on the other hand, thought that little Timmy came with a lot of baggage and wasn't worth all the effort. Admiral my ass. Not a single admirable bone in that man's body. I can understand and sometimes even share Tim's...intense dislike towards him sometimes. That man would get his own children arrested if it meant that he could climb the ranks." Sarah knew she was rambling, but she couldn't help it. It was the only way to avoid revealing the inevitable. And she didn't think that the team would be able to brave it. But most of all, she was afraid for Tim. He wouldn't be able to look his team in the eyes knowing what lay there. Pity, and apprehension. That was the only thing he did not want to see. Pity, most of all. He wanted to be treated normally. And that would be a challenge that the team would have to overcome if they wanted Tim back from his nightmare. She knew that Tony had frozen at the word 'torture'. He tried to hide it but she could see the questions and panic evolving underneath. His Probie had been tortured. Of course, the man was shocked. Everything that he thought he had known about his partner had been a lie.

"Promise me one thing, Agent Gibbs. Promise me that my brother will not be treated any differently than he has always been in your team. He will be the same Tim before any of this was revealed to you and I can promise you that I will give you one of your best agents back, renewed and healing. Can you give me that promise Agent Gibbs? And Director Vance?" Both men nodded their consent. Whatever was discussed here would not go farther than this room and its people. They would take this secret and bury it deep in their minds and protect one of their own as fiercely as possible.


	7. Tony and Ziva

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ziva and Tony reflect while Sarah starts off the actual sequence of events that would change every life in the interrogation room, forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Le muse is being very naughty and is refusing to cooperate so I've been watching re-runs. The Admiral is a hard-ass, isn't he? I personally want to strangle him. But my plot bunny says we need him alive. Ugh. Fine. Dream-strangling it is. 
> 
> School is kicking my arse and it's very confusing. I don't know what my future holds and I'm writing random short stories to get motivated to get some chapters of something I enjoy doing. I have ideas. I'm bad at implementation. As usual, R&R and reach out to me about anything and everything! (even if it isn't story related!) I also appreciate any and all feedback :)

***3rd Person POV***

"Like I said, Tim was- kidnapped when he was 5. He was taken from the park near his house." It had taken Sarah along time to come to terms with using that word when talking about Tim's 'situation'. Years in fact. No matter how many years passed, that one word could shatter everything they had built. Every single wall came crashing down and left each nerve raw and aching.

"Nobody knew what was going on at first. Everyone in the town thought that Tim had finally had enough and had run away. Even his mom and dad, when they finally noticed. It's not like the town didn't know what was going on in that house. The authorities just couldn't do much about it, because, despite everything, those, those pathetic excuses for human beings weren't doing anything illegal. They were keeping Tim fed and clothed and that was enough to keep the authorities' hands tied. Which is probably why legal action couldn't have been taken. Looking back, they probably should have done something. It would have spared Tim of years of pain and suffering." Her tone was bitter with years of pent up frustration and the fire in her eyes spoke of just what she would have liked to those who had even the smallest hand in the hurt her brother faced.

With a deep, calming breath, she began speaking again. "I think I'm ready to have Tim in here now Agents. It's his story. No matter how tough this will be for my brother, I know he's strong enough to get through this. He  _has_ to get through this. Please don't think the worst of him for hiding this. You have to understand that it was for the best that you didn't know about this. You told him once that you had hand-picked him because you saw his raw talent. Don't let this overshadow your initial thoughts. My brother is strong but nobody is strong enough to handle this scale of rejection, not even him. I'll go get him. Feel free to discuss what you've heard. I'll...we'll finish this extremely, riveting tale after I return with my brother." A dry smile on her face, she walked out of the conference room.

**-Conference Room-**

***Still 3rd Person POV***

The silence stretched across the room while the occupants tried to digest the information they had just been provided with.

"Boss I-" Tony started to say, but the words got stuck in his throat. What could he say in this situation? Even with DiNozzo Sr. it had been easier because they kept secrets from each other all the time. But with Tim, secrets weren't possible or allowed. If they had to have each other's back out in the field, they couldn't afford secrets from each other. That would just lead to one or both being killed. Yes, they kept their private lives separate from work but they knew about each other's' dirty laundry. Tim knew all about Senior's little escapades and the conflicts with his son. And Tony knew every detail about Tim, including the base camp the Admiral was posted at, the Thom E. Gemcity books and even looked over summaries before publications so that he could do possible damage control. He knew where Tim kept his emergency house key (one in his left shoe and one in the fake panel beside his front door) and that he kept his service revolver under his Porsche's passenger seat when he was driving and under his pillow when at home.

So how was it that he had missed the signs of Tim hiding something of this scale? Yes, Tim had nightmares but Tony had chalked those up to the stress of the job. Hell, they all had nightmares after some of the horrors stories they'd seen on the job but he had never expected McGee's nightmares to be  _ **this**_. He knew he was going too deep into his mind at this point. He had to snap out of this funk. He had to get a hold of himself and his emotions before his partner got back. If he even looked a little bit terrified as he felt, this was going to take a tremendous effort. Even Ziva's normally impassive face was showing a myriad of emotions.

Speaking of the stoic Mossad officer, Tony wondered what she was thinking. She hadn't known Tim all that long. Not as long as Tony had or...Kate. It had always been the three of them. And then Ari happened and Kate was the first one taken in the line of duty. It stung more than it should've since she took the bullet that was meant for McGee. That day had left him wondering which one of them was going to be next. Would it be Tim or Tony? Or god forbid, Gibbs? Or even Abby, during an experiment or an investigation gone wrong? The thought was almost unbearable.

One look over at Ziva, Tony knew that she was conflicted. There was an onslaught of emotions on her face. Confusion was the main one he could make out. It wasn't a good look on her.

Ziva's thoughts were a jumble. She and McGee were never all that close. Most of the time, they weren't even on first-name basis. But the level of trust was still there. She knew he was a good and loyal man. She could trust Tim to have her back but after this, could she look at him the same? She knew all about troubled pasts, so she was no one to judge. Her father had been less than comforting when she had come home, bruised, and battered from training. But when she was  _hurt_ , he held her and never denied that something had happened. He never denied her the affection she needed in dire times. To deny torture, on your own son (adopted, but they chose him, didn't they?), was...unthinkable for her.

She could feel Tony's eyes on her. She could also, predict what he was feeling. Quite accurately. He would be confused and hurt that this was hidden from him. But he was a good friend. He would understand and give Tim the support he obviously needed. Tony was sweet like that, not that he would ever admit it. He and Tim were like brothers and Tony would do anything to protect his brother, even from his own demons.

So where did she come into this equation? What was her place in Tim's life? She hadn't known him as long as Tony, Gibbs or Ducky. She was a new teammate, who covered their backs when it was necessary in the line of duty. Could she do this? Could she be there for Tim? Was she prepared to face him knowing all this? Was she prepared to defend him against the oncoming storm? 

 **Yes,** she could. She would do all in her power to make sure, as a teammate and as a new-found friend, that Tim got through this in one piece-mind and body. It seemed as though a call to her father was in the near future. He could and he would provide the resources, intelligence, and protection needed for her friend.


End file.
